How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
