been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize