the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
