My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
