but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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