I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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