Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
