doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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