i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
