i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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