After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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