I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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