Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
