Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
