Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
