But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
