I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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