what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
