I wish they made helmets for livers.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
