I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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