So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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