Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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