God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
