i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
