I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Vodka?
Forever.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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