Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
