he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
