Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
