I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We left the knife in your bed.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
