I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
