my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
