So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize