I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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