you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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