i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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