im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize