Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
