This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
