Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
