If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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