and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
