pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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