Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
