So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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