cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
