exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
