I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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