dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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