Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
