I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
