Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
