I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
