I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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