Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
