So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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