new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
