I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
