just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
