So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
