Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
