Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
