she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
