If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
