Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
