OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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