I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
