just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
