Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
