What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
me + whiskey = a bad person
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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