so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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