I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
