he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We left the knife in your bed.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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