She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
