Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
