I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
