I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
