The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize