one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
