somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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