we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
