jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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