Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
