Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
