hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
