I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize