I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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