but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
