I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
