I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
