he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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