drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
