Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
