Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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