I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
