you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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