i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
