Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
