You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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