i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
