You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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