ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
