my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
