My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
