It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
