i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
