She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
