That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
